I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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