it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
