Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
