After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
