just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
