i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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