well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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