Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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