Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize