We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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