Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
