My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
