bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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