Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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