All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
