so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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