im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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