I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
