so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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