oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
