Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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