we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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