hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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