ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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