I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
