it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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