still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
