my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
