ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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