Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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