lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
