I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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