You just made me feel so damn special
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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