hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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