I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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