either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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