My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
