I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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