Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
