i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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