i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
