Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
