One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
