No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
