I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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