This dress was meant to end up on your floor
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
