I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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