i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
