kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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