Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
