you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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