i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
