My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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