We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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