I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
