just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
