I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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