i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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