haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize