Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
