I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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