You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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